christian dating verses secular dating

Christian dating verses secular dating gives the believer an opened view of the differences between how this activity should and should not be performed based on Scripture. 

Regardless of what our culture dictates, you and I as believers in Christ are made to walk in love and fellowship with our Lord, and in doing so, we heed His voice and call in everything we do or attempt to do. Acts 5:29 makes this clear and instructs us as it says, "Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said,' We ought to obey God rather than men.'"

If you are a single Christian man or woman, looking for that special someone to spend the rest of your life with, you will want to seek those people who are also like-minded individuals, and who are believers and followers of Christ.

You're possibly thinking that the Christian dating scene might be boring, average, and ordinary; however, if you truly want to follow God's plan in selecting a mate, or even in choosing a wonderful Christian friend of the opposite sex to hang out with, you'd better do it His way. Otherwise, you may have a lot more to lose than to gain from it.


christian dating the right way

There are many right ways of going about this, but the principle is what is important here and it must be biblicaly-based. You must ask yourself "Why am I dating this person, and what is my expected outcome"?

So, what are some of the differences between dating those who are believers, compared to dating those who are not? Here are a few points to consider in the area of Christian dating:

  • Believers are to connect with those who are fellow believers. In Christian dating we are not to pair up with those who are not followers of Christ, especially when it comes to the affairs of the heart and those with whom you deal with on a deeper level spiritually. It tells us so in scripture from 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 which says, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said,'I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God and they shall be My people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you. And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be My sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty." Here is one of the main reasons for not intermarrying with unbelievers, given to the Israelites in the Old Testament, and it applies us as believers and within our Christian dating today as well. Look here at Deuteronomy 7:1-4, where it clearly instructs, "When the Lord your God brings you into the land which you go to possess, and has cast out many nations before you, the Hittites and the Girgashites and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites and the Hivites and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than you, and when the Lord your God delivers them over to you, you shall conquer them and utterly destroy them. You shall make no covenant with them nor show mercy to them. Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the Lord will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly."  God was not playing around here, nor should you when it comes to Christian dating or marriage.
  • Believers look to obey God, not cater to the flesh. In Christian dating, searching for a mate requires that you be very particular in your choices of people. It is important to realize that the two of you will be serving Him together if and/or once you are married, as a team, within the unit of one. In terms of the flesh, this would include our mind and physical wants and needs. Many times our human nature will seem to win over the Spirit. This is a huge challenge for the believer on many levels, but regardless of the challenges we face in the flesh, we must not allow it to take over the Spirit within us. This is why we are to be continual in prayer, thanksgiving, and fellowship with God daily. He knows our frame and knows we are weak in many areas, so it is important to keep yourself mindful of the many forces of evil and temptations that present themselves to you within Christian dating. A great passage of scripture that explains this clearer is: Romans 8:6-13 which says, "For to be carnally-minded is death; but to be spiritually-minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of His. And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, He that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by His Spirit that dwelleth in you. Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live."
  • Believers see and treat members of the opposite sex as sons or daughters of Christ, not as sex symbols or trophies. This is one of the main differences I have seen personally in Christian dating, is that when going out with another believer, I see him, and he sees me, as a child of God first, and then we relate to one another on that higher level of spiritual oneness. 1 Corinthians 14:40 tells us to, " Let all things be done decently and in order." Also we are reminded of how we are to behave ourselves as believers in Christ, as it tells us again in 1 Corinthians 10:31, "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." That sums it up perfectly!

christian dating the wrong way

As you live in the world's system of doing things, you will find more wrong ways in the line of dating more so than that of anything that is remotely Christ-like. Just look around you at all the evil and Satanic messages spread across the media, our schools, homes, workplaces, and even in our churches today.

It's all about what "I" can get, or do, or obtain for "myself", rather than for others or for God. This, of course, should never be found in Christian dating, and if it is, then regard it as questionable. The unreginerate, pleasure-seeking individual, who is out there in the dating world, and who is also looking for a mate for life, will undoubtedly be looking for a good, moral person who treats others kindly as well. But beware and be on guard for these nice, seemingly good people in your dating path. Although good people, they still are not believers and could cause you serious trouble later on if you persist them in a relationship. 

Here are some of the things to guard against and to look out for in Christian dating as being the wrong way of pursuing a mate:

  • People who just want a "hook-up" in their dating experiences. This just virtually means they want sexual relationships and connections, not anything really serious or spiritual either. This kind of practice should not have any place within Christian dating. The Bible is clear on this issue where it says in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 to, "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore, glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." Also 1 Corinthians 6:13 reminds us, "Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body." Furthermore, we are exhorted by the apostle Paul in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6, where it says, " For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye shall abstain from fornication: that everyone of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: that no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified." As you can see, this is a very serious issue in God's eyes and He demands purity and holiness in His people.
  • People who use drugs and drink to be sociable and alluring to others. When one uses these methods of being sociable while dating, it can become a confusing and potentially dangerous experience for those involved. It is widely known that these kinds of practices dull the senses and gives a false sense of confidence. You will want to avoid this situation at all costs in your dating experiences. The Bible warns of strong drink and of things that cloud the mind and senses in Proverbs 20:1, where it says, " Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise." Also it tells us in Galatians 5:21, "Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like, of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." Furthermore, we see this same message given in Ephesians 5:18-20, where it tells us, " And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."
  • People who live in sin and debauchery, and who have a reckless lifestyle. Being around or associating with these kinds of people can seriously damage your spiritual testimony. Christian dating should have none of these elements present for a believer in Christ. Seriously, do you want to be around these kinds of people who will do nothing but steal your joy and bring your spiritual life down?  Individuals who live this way are in the direct line of disaster and heartache because either they don't want to change their ways, or do not know how to change. Most likely they have never heard the gospel, or if they have, they love their sin too much, or they have refused to listen and heed the voice of the Holy Spirit. Here's what the Bible says about these kinds of people and what will happen to them as they continue in their ways of sin: 1 John 3:4-9 tells us, "Whosoever commiteth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law. And ye know that He was manifested to take away our sins; and in Him is no sin. Whosoever abideth in Him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen Him; neither known Him. Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous. He that commiteth sin if of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for His seed remaineth in him; and he cannot commit sin, because he is born of God." Also, it warns us here in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 where it says, " Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God." Furthermore, there are those,
  • People who blaspheme, curse, defame, and profane our God and the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I truly hate to be around this kind of talk among sinners, or even those who profess to be saved and followers of Christ. It is so degrading to our Lord and I know it hurts Him! This type of speech or conversation should not be present within the Christian dating scene at all. Nor should you tolerate it as a believer either. Our Lord is very specific about this, such as in these passages of scripture: 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners." And then there is "Ephesians 4:29 which states, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." Also in Matthew 12:36-37 it reminds us, "But I say unto you,' That every idle word that man shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgement. For by thy words, thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.'" Also, this is one of the Ten Commandments God set in place for His people, as we find it here in Exodus 20:7, where it says," Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh His name in vain." Moreoever, there is Proverbs 10:31-32 which says, "The mouth of the just bringeth forth wisdom: but the froward tongue shall be cut out. The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth of the wicked speak frowardness." Lastly, in Luke 6:45 it informs us, "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh." Lastly,
  • Look at what the world is offering in terms of "fun" and having a "good time." You will find that their ways of fun and pleasure is: going to clubs, dancing, drinking, doing drugs, kissing and touching (making out), going out to questionable movies (generally they are full of sex, violence, and tons of profanity). The list goes on as to what kinds of trouble they can create or fall into--some do so without even realizing what they are doing! So look out for this and beware of these sociable dangers while dating others. 

christian dating options

As you go about selecting a person to date, you will want to choose the following options when it comes to deciding on what to do, where to go, how to behave, etc. Your own personality, likes and dislikes, availability of funds, and so on may dictate those particulars, but here are just a few things to consider for Christian dating:

  1. Go out in threes or fours, take a chaperone, or go where there will be many people around. Do not stay secluded with each other as it will bring about much temptation of the flesh.
  2. Keep hands at bay and bodily position a little apart from each other. Again, the flesh is weak and when there is touching or brushing up against one another in any way, it is the beginning of impure thoughts and future trouble.
  3. No kissing--not on the first date, nor the second or third, or anytime after that I'd say! This may sound a bit harsh and old fashioned to you but I've been there in that boat on a few occasions and I can tell you that the first kiss will always lead to another and yet another, until things get too far out of hand. That is how Satan operates as well. He knows many of our weaknesses and will work hard to insure that we fail in this area--so beware. There should be certain standards for Christian dating; kissing is one of those that should remain sacred to you.
  4. Men, behave like gentlemen; women, behave like ladies. Remember these first impressions count so much, especially on that first date.
  5. Great places, things to do and look for in Christian dating might include: church and worship services, youth or senior ministries, child evangelism (my parents met this way), dining out at restaurants, witness teams that go out into the community, walking in parks, beaches, sports events, and so forth. I would avoid going alone to some of these places however, since there is always temptations. 
  6. Internet dating for Christian dating. One must be careful here as well when searching for people to go out with because there are so many ways to get into trouble on the internet. You cannot see that person, unless you are Skyping or Facetiming them, but nevertheless, be discerning in your choice of people. Always pray and ask God to direct you to that special someone for a great dating experience.

Christian dating has that element of selectivity in it already as it is marked "Christian", meaning that your and my ways of finding a mate in life should and must be separate and exclusive in a biblical manner. Compare that to what the world has to offer in terms of dating other people, and you will see that there is no contest.

Finally, looking for love can be fun, exciting, and worthwhile as long as you consider the importance of doing so according to God's Word. While planning out every phase of your Christian dating experience, just remember to be discerning always and seek to please the Lord throughout it all, and He will honor your heart's desire as you please Him first.


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