dating woes can create havoc in your courting world

Dating woes can create havoc in your courting world and may harm the chances for the possibility of future relationships.

Sure, there are many rules out there for singles who are courting, but for the Christian single they go way beyond those of just morality and of putting on niceties. Your chances of finding a good mate in life can be higher than those who are just playing the game.

Solomon told us in Proverbs 18:22 that, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord."  (The same applies to you ladies out there who are looking for a husband). Having God's blessing in this pursuit makes it truly meaningful and obtainable for those who may be thinking otherwise. If God's Word says it, it is true. 

Just like any other thing you may pursue in life that may be of great value to you, finding a husband or a wife is no different; and yet, it can be somewhat daunting when you're out there attempting to woo that particular someone, but for whatever reasons, your methods are not working for you, leaving you feeling hopeless and helpless in the end.

dating woes: bad approach?

Could it be that your approach to pursuing women/men is a bad one? Think of your date as another human being first of all. I know that sounds a bit corny, but every person does have feelings, emotions, likes/dislikes, desires and such, and wants to feel as though he/she is the only person in the room you are paying attention to; you know, special.

It should always go without saying; treat others as you would like to be treated. However the Bible specifies this more in these passages of Scripture:

  • Luke 6:31 says, "And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise."
  • Matthew 7:12 goes deeper, "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them; for this is the law and the prophets."
  • John 7:24 tells us, "Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgement." And there is,
  • Philippians 2:4 says to, "Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others."

In my quest for learning what works and what does not in the ways of approaching others for courting purposes, I've interviewed various Christian people, young and old, from different cultures and backgrounds.

Even though every culture has its particular rules and codes of conduct, when it comes to dating the opposite sex, across the board there are certain mannerisms and behaviors which are expected to be displayed in the courting game. (The reason I call it a game is because sometimes you lose one; sometimes you win one--a guy/girl, that is). 

Some of these approaches are just plain "no-no's", and should have no place within the pursuit of finding a Christian mate for life. If you come across these types of actions or behaviors in your courting journey; run from it!

Think of these approaches as red flags that wave big and loud warnings to you as you search and discern the type of mate who just might be possible husband/wife material for you. Avoid these dating woes! Only you and you alone know what you'll accept or tolerate in your dating life, but sometimes you may not know this unless you are put into the certain situation and experience of it. This is not an exhaustive list by any means but here are a few clues to watch out for when going out on dates:

  1. If you are out on a date with a person of the opposite sex, and he/she has a roaming eye, looking or gawking at other seemingly more attractive men or women in the same room; that is a huge red flag to you that you need to end the date right then and there! It should become quite obvious that he/she is not that into you, but is into the next best thing that passes by. I remember being on a few dates like this during my college years with a few of these heartless fellows who just couldn't keep their eyes or hands off other tempting women who would seductively whisk by them. I quickly learned to avoid all those types of men in my life. You will always be fighting with him/her for attention. It's not worth it. What a dating woe!
  2. If you find yourself out with a guy/girl who is flirting with you endlessly, not respecting your standards or boundaries, it spells trouble and can only mean that that person pretty much wants a few things: (1) constant attention from you, perhaps from being so "needy" or has lots of insecurities in life, (2) wants others to see that he/she has someone; not lonely or a loser, or (3) wants just a hook-up and not much more than that. Honestly. these people you can do without! They also may bring on more temptation that one can withstand. Can I call this a dating woe? I should say so.
  3. If you are out with a date at a restaurant, movie, concert, or other event, and he/she leaves you to pay the bill, and doesn't even offer to pay half (especially the guys), then you may be looking at a cheapskate on your hands if you continue to court that person. Not that it's a bad thing to be a cheapskate, but you must think whether or not you want to accept this type of person in your life-maybe someone who does not prepare herself/himself for future events that require spending money, or perhaps that person does not think you are valuable enough to spend money on.(?) Just a thought.
  4. If you are dating some guy/girl who talks of him/herself endlessly, without considering you and wanting to get to know you, then you could be looking at someone who is selfish-minded and self-centered in all or most of his/her ways. This is no good and a complete dating woe and a no-no. I mean, who wants a date a person who talks about and is all into him/herself? That can get a bit boring. Lastly,
  5. If you are on a date with a guy/girl who is constantly looking down at their cell phone, either texting, calling, Facebooking, Facetiming, or Skyping, or reading emails and such, then just know that you will always be in constant competition with a very smart, intelligent digital device that you can in no way humanly compete with. Even if your date gives an excuse for why he/she is on the phone, there truly IS no excuse for it. If I am describing you here as a cell phone junkie, who has an addiction to it, consider putting it down for your date and try to appear remotely interested in the other person in front of you. It may just save your date!

dating woes can become wins

If you are one who is experiencing more dating woes than wins, here are a few tips that may help you to gain more confidence in your courting methods and behaviors as you seek out your future mate. After all, that is the goal here, isn't it? Consider these tips:

  • Build your life, including your dating life, around biblical principles. Just as you would gather together good, foundational building materials to construct a house, your foundational basis is that of God's Word. You made Jesus your Lord and Saviour when you got saved, now remember to put Him first in your search for your future mate. Through study and meditation of the Scriptures, you will be guided and directed in the best possible way. Many dating woes can be avoided if this practice is done first.
  • Pray for God's divine leading and guidance as you seek to find the right person, or the right groups of people throughout your dating experience. He could lead you through the single Christians at your church (or through the parents/grandparents of these singles), school, workplace, the internet through Christian chat, Facebook, Facetime, Skype, Instagram, or other social media groups.
  • Begin your search for dates through various methods/avenues for Christian singles. A few examples are: your local church, Christian singles groups, community events, Christian music concerts, ministry groups in the fields that interest you (women's/men's ministries/youth ministries) child evangelism, bus ministries, witnessing teams who go door to door in the neighborhood, or visiting at local senior citizen/retirement homes, Christian chat forums, online Christian dating, Christian meetup groups, Christian dating websites, dating Christian co-workers, and so on. There are so many avenues in which to find other Christian singles who may have many of the same interests as you have.
  • Think of the kind of person you would like to date, or marry one day. Evaluate those particular character traits, skills, talents, personalities, and mannerisms of which you would like to be present in your future mate, such as honesty, punctuality, kindness, a sweet spirit, and such. Try to date only those kinds of people to prevent those dating woes.
  • Make sure you check yourself as well. Work on your own personality traits, character, skills, and so on before you begin going out with other people. You wouldn't want to end up being a dating woe for that other person.

In essence, don't allow any of these dating woes to kill your chances of finding that special someone for your life. As you can see, many of them can be eliminated before going out on dates with others. If possible, do your homework first to find out about those people who you are interested in. Ask around and be alert to all possibilities and opportunities in finding the right guy/girl to date.

Rid yourself of these dating woes first and you will have success. When you know firsthand of the things you will accept or not accept before dating that person, then the courting experience gets easier.  Pray and ask the Lord for what you want. He tells us to do so in His Word. He created you; He knows everything about you and what you need. Look to Him for your answers.

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you discern the good from the bad among all the many Christian singles who are out there attempting to find their future mates as well. After all, the Lord knows already who your future husband/wife is, and will present him/her to you in His timing. 

No dating woes to create havoc here! Let your experiences be that of excitement, peace, and joy. Stand on these promises as your faith is renewed from day to day: Psalms 37:4 encourages us to, "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart." And here we are reminded in Proverbs 10:24, that "The fear of the wicked, it shall come upon him: but the desire of the righteous shall be granted." AMEN.

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