tying the knot: should you, or shouldn't you?
Tying the knot begs the questions; should you, or shouldn't you? Marriage is a wonderful institution created by God for man and woman, and is a covenant which must not be taken into lightly. It is to be approached with reverence, love, and respect towards God as well as to your future partner in life.
When you and your boyfriend/girlfriend begin these discussions in contemplating marriage, you may consider doing so with prayerful hearts and opened minds, allowing the Holy Spirit to direct your thoughts into saying the right words, asking pertinent questions of the other, and expressing feelings and emotions in spiritual union.
before tying the knot, ask questions
When leading the topic of discussion towards marriage, it can be a bit scary or daunting for those who are not sure of what to say, or how to ask certain questions of your future mate.. After all, you really need to know as much as you can about the other person before you can even think about tying the knot with him or her.
Before asking these questions, however; you may want to approach your beloved while he/she is in a good mood and/or under good circumstances; not when he/she is upset or stressed out. Otherwise, you may not be received well, or your words and questions may not be taken within the right context of which you'd like them to be.
So, here are a few questions you may want to ask your future mate before considering tying the knot:
- ASK: "Are you saved; born again, and has your life been regenerated?" This is truly the most important question you can ask before tying the knot with that person. We are commanded as believers in Christ to marry only those who are also believers in Him, and who have been changed and transformed by His saving power. If he/she is not a Christian, you both honestly do not have anything in common that is spiritual in nature. Trust me, those attractive physical aspects of that person you see now will diminish as time passes, but the spiritual heart (whether good or evil) lives on. This can and will become a major problem in your future relationship if you join together with that person in holy matrimony. Consider these passages of Scripture that explain this:
- 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 declares this, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath He believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, 'I will dwell in them and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. Wherefore come out from among them. and be ye separate,' saith the Lord, 'and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you. And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be My sons and daughters,' saith the Lord Almighty."
- 1 Corinthians 15:33 tells us, "Be not deceived; evil communications corrupt good manners."
- 2 Timothy 3:5 warns the believer, "Having the form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away."
- ASK: Should we save up for the wedding, or just jump right in to it? Saving your money for a wedding is surely better than going into debt over it. So, begin your future marriage debt-free if at all possible. Questions about money are highly important when you consider tying the knot with this person. I've heard it said that many people would rather discuss their sex lives than to discuss their spending or saving habits. You will need to know this information about your future mate because money habits can and do affect one's marriage, and have been known to cause divorces and severe upsets within the relationship. Ask if he/she saves money and for what reasons; Ask what his/her money is spent on; Ask if he/she is in debt (up to his eyeballs, or just a small amount?); ask if he/she gives money to the church in tithes and offerings, or perhaps to others in need? Ask if he/she has a checking/savings account; Also, ask if the two of them were to marry, would they open up a joint account, or continue to have separate accounts? Does he/she live on a budget? These things matter even before tying the knot because they leaves clues as to why, how, and what his/her money is spent on. It may not seem to matter so much now before marriage, but it is best to know what is expected before jumping in! Our Lord placed a lot of emphasis on money and of its value. Here's what it says in His Word:
- Hebrews 13:5 instructs, "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said,' I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.'"
- 1 Timothy 6:10 warns us, "For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."
- Luke 12:33-34 says, "Sell that ye have, and give alms; provide yourselves bags which wax not old, a treasure in the heavens that faileth not, where no thief approacheth, nor moth corrupteth. For where your treasure is, there will be your heart also."
- Philippians 4:11-13 says, "Not that I speak in respect of want: For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound: Everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
- Luke 12:15 tells us, "And He said unto them,' Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth."
- ASK: Does he/she want to have children, or want to plan for a family after marriage? Usually, children come into the picture after tying the knot. Although it would be by God's will if He were to allow you and your future mate to start a family one day, it is still very important to know how he/she feels about children, as well as how he/she behaves around them. You may also want to find out about his/her childhood and family experiences growing up. Spend time with your boyfriend/girlfriend's family, learning how they interact with each other. Many times family problems and upsets happen due to childhood traumas or experiences that have affected them on into their adulthood. Children are a blessing from God and should be perceived and treated as such. Scripture talks about the blessings of children:
- Psalms 127:3-5 says, "Lo, children are an heritage from the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is His reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are the children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate."
- Isaiah 54:13 says, "And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children."
- 3 John 1:4 says, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."
- ASK: How does the man feel about his wife working outside the home (before and after children)? This can be a challenging topic for some of you who are thinking of tying the knot. This should be discussed with an opened mind, respecting and validating the opinions of the other person. It's true that this day in time many women are working outside the home, alongside their husbands just to help make ends meet. You may discuss whether the wife would consider working up until the arrival of children, in which case she may stop working to stay home to care for them. Perhaps the man could stay home with the kids while the woman goes out to work? Or, it could be that your finances/budget requires the both of you to work outside the home (whether there are children or not). It really depends on your given situation and circumstances at the time. Consider these things before tying the knot with each other. Whatever the reasons for your decisions, do so with prayer, love, honor, and respect of the other person. Consider these particular situations and scenarios that may transpire within your relationship before tying the knot with him/her. Here are a few bible verses that speak to these issues as well:
- 2 Corinthians 13:11 says, " Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you."
- Romans 12:18 says, "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men."
- Ephesians 5:23,24,25,28 all say, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself."
tying the knot strengthens the bonds of holy matrimony
If you sense much hesitation or trepidation in your now boyfriend/girlfriend as you discuss tying the knot with each other, you may want to consider cooling down the subject altogether, at least for a while. Perhaps it is yet too soon in your relationship to talk on things of marriage; whereas, he/she is not ready yet to commit to the bonds of holy matrimony. You don't want to get caught trying to drag your mate, kicking and screaming to the altar, do you? It's an unsettling thought, and not a pretty picture, is it.
If you or your beloved envision tying the knot, as if allowing someone to put a tight noose around your neck, or shackling one's ankles with a heavy ball and chain just to get them down the aisle, then that is the wrong way of looking at marriage, or the married life. It is obvious at this point that you or your future mate do not want to commit to each other in a covenant marriage, and should opt out before it's too late.
Tying the knot requires that you both be committed and faithful to each other, trusting that he/she will love, honor, and respect you throughout your lives together.
It is so sad whenever I see a husband and wife announcing that they are divorcing each other, when it may have been just a few short years that they've been married. God tells us this in His Word, according to Malachi 2:16, where it says, "For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith 'He hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of Hosts: therefore, take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.'"
A man and woman enter into a marriage covenant between each other and with God. As God is their Head, He should and must always remain as the center focus within the marriage bond. This bond is for life, or should, and expected to be.
I believe that many Christians tend to forget the important reasons for tying the knot in the first place. They may feel that that the husband/wife will make them happy, give them lots of children, live in a grand house with the dog and picket fence, own a few cars or a van for the family too, and so forth. It is a very nice dream and lofty goal that we probably all have had at one time or another, but the reality is not always that way.
The bonds of holy matrimony should remain tightly closed off to those outside influences that may be considered evil or unrighteous, and which could easily penetrate the Christian home, destroying the two who are bonded together as one.
Tying the knot helps to protect the bonds and boundaries of your relationship within the marriage. Consider these biblical suggestions as you strive to maintain the strength, stability, and endurance of your union with each other, and with the Lord:
- Praying together keeps you bonded together in love and obedience to Jesus Christ. This practice will aid you in bonding together mentally and spiritually while tying the knot.
Matthew 18:19-20 says, "Again I say unto you, 'That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of My Father which is in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there I am in the midst of them.'"
Ecclesiates 4:9-12 tells us, "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together: Then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
- Reading, studying, and meditating on His Word gives your lives guidance, direction, and blessed peace as God leads you together for His purpose, and as one with Him.
2 Timothy 2:15 reminds us to, "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."
Joshua 1:8 says, "This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night; that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success."
2 Timothy 3:14-17 tells us, "But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of who thou hast learned them; and that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works."
- Attending church together; Being seen together in various places; accompanying each other at various places/ events, handling life's situations together, not separately; Being together as a unified front throughout all areas of home life, the workplace, and at social gatherings, etc. In practicing these steps of married life, tying the knot creates yet an even stronger bond between the two of you; whereas you both become more discerning in what is right or wrong within your marriage.
Hebrews 10:25 exhorts, "Not forsaking the assemblies of ourselves together, as the manner of some is: but exhorting one another:; and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching."
Romans 12:1-5 says, "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed, by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, for the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: so we, being many, are one body in Christ and every one members one of another." Lastly,
Colossians 3:1-4 says, "If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with Him in glory."
Finally, in the consideration of tying the knot with your future mate, ask him/her all those important questions that are needful information; giving honest feedback to each other; respecting and validating those emotions and feelings of the other person before deciding whether or not he/she is the one for you.
Let tying the knot become a holy, precious time and event for you both as you contemplate committing your hearts to each other, and your lives together in spiritual and intimate union through holy matrimony, deep devotion, and Christian fellowship with each other and with the Lord.
In so doing, God will bless and honor your union together throughout all your married lives, as you serve, worship, and honor Him. God Bless.
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